The One-Legged Girl

As many of you know, I had surgery on my foot a few weeks ago to remove some nasty souvenirs from college. Thank you, Brown Women's Crew locker room. While it's been a bit of a shock not being able to run every day or even to walk long distances, this experience, like so many others in recent months, have put my life - past and present - into perspective.

The night of the procedure, I gained an overwhelming sense of clarity. It may have been from the burning, friction-y pain of damaged toes keeping me awake or the realization that I couldn't move like I had always moved. Either way, it was a moment of discovering one of those little truths I wrote about yesterday.

No longer able to run, I came to see how running fit into the rest of my life. It had been something I found when my mom was so sick and had, from then on, been a way for me to release stress and meditate. I had made friends through running (and other sports), and working toward a goal gave me a sense of purpose and then a sense of accomplishment.

It's not all so noble, though. Running and fitness had also become an obsession. I worked out almost every day, no matter how lousy I was feeling, because I wanted to be thin. I looked at my stomach in the mirror constantly. That's hard enough to say, but even harder to say is this: I still do.

So where is this new found perspective you ask? Well, I think it's in the baby steps. Because I have not ballooned up to 300 pounds, I am starting to realize that running was not the only factor in the equation. Plus, the workouts I do now, which consist of a lot of stretching, light weights, yoga, and Pilates (all on one foot) are relaxing. I look forward to the activity itself more and not just to the end of the workout. I have even done a few without looking at the clock - a big deal.

Hopefully, once I am able to run, I will learn from this respite from the sport. I won't run everyday. I'll do a workout because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. I'll try a new sport. And I may even leave the watch at home.

Cheers.