The Jungle Gym

Whenever I'm in a new, uncomfortable, bizarre, or slightly unusual situation, I try to look at my environment as a writer would. I pretend that I am working on a story. How would I describe the characters? What are their backgrounds? Why do people do the things they do? This technique has gotten me through some sketchy stuff, and I recommend it highly.

An opportunity to use the Fake Journalist Perspective arose recently when Lindsay, my almost-sister-in-law, took me to the gym at their parents' country club. It's a great place to work out - there are rows of machines and freeweights, the floor to ceiling windows look out onto the sunlit golf course, and the 9 am crowd is older and quiet. No sketchyness. But it does have that certain quality all gyms have, which got me thinking about their common atmosphere as a writer would.

Why is it that no matter where you are, no matter what time of day you are working out, and no matter how elderly your fellow exercisers are, people always check each other out? I don't mean gym people ogle one another (although there's some of that too). It's more of a subtle, "how fast is she going on the elliptical" check-out. And the worst part is that I find myself doing the same thing! I think, "Let's see. Little miss pink shorts leg-pressed 80 pounds. Hm. I'll do 200!"

This brings me to another observation: there are very few women really lifting weights at the gym. I think many of us fear we're going to get huge, shiny muscles if we try for 10 more pounds. Also, sadly, many women just don't know how to lift properly. So I'm left to myself, lugging around freeweights, gritting my teeth, and sweating EVERYWHERE. Not attractive, you say? That's probably another reason why women are scared of weights.

Thus, I say to women everywhere: you're not going to get gigantic if you lift weights. It's better for your metabolism, your cardiovascular system, and your bones. It'll make you look better too. Don't worry about what the other person is doing. Don't worry about looking like a tomboy. Learn how to do a few things with the right form, and soon, you'll be leaner and stronger, which is tres chic.

Cheers.